Monday, March 29, 2010



-Devlyn Steele

When you hear the word faithful, the first thing you might think about is in terms of relationship. We think of the meaning of faithful as being faithful to someone else, usually sexually. Although that is not the context that we are discussing today, let's use relationship as a starting place.

We would consider if someone was to, let's say, have sex outside of their marriage that they are not being faithful to their husband or wife. Is that really who they are not being faithful to? Let's take two men, (using men as our example doesn't mean to imply that men are less faithful than women) and examine faithfulness. In this example both men are of the same age, education, family and religious background. Both the men make the same money, travel the same amount and have the same access to and opportunity to meet women other then their respective wives. Lastly they have the same sex drive and testosterone levels. With all factors the same one is not faithful (cheats) and the other is, why would that be?

What would keep someone faithful or not? The real question is what is important to you? What I am always hearing is what people want. I always tell people when they tell me what they want, that they really don't want what they say they want. Many feel that is an unfair and untrue statement. In many ways they are right, it is not true that people don't want to be in great shape, or have money, or the other things they say they want. Of course people want all that and more.

However, they do not want to do the work to make these things they say they want to happen. They would want them if they came to them, but in all actuality these things that people say they want are simply not that important to them. What is more important is eating the food they like, watching TV or other habits not in alignment with the wants. If being in great shape was important to a person, then they would eat and exercise accordingly. Our behavior is motivated by what is important to us.

Often we work not because we love the work, but our lifestyles are important to us and therefore motivating our behavior to do what we need to do to sustain that. Think back to when you were a child, it might have been the newest toy, skateboard, doll or other thing that you wanted. You wanted it so much that it became very important for you to have it. You then did whatever you needed to, you babysat, washed cars, bugged your parents. You did all that and more and it was effortless because it was important to you.

The more important question than "what do you want?" is, "what is important to you?" Back to the scenario of the two men where one cheats and one does not. The difference between the two is what is truly important to each one. With all factors being the same including sex drive and opportunity, the one who does not cheat always desires sex just as much, but the marriage and what that means simply is more important to that person than sex. Doesn't mean that the sex is not desired.

You see, we all want to eat what ever we want, not work as hard as we should, not deal with school and more, but we do what we do by what is important to us. When we do establish what is important to ourselves as an individual, when we do not live up to the behavior that corresponds to achieve and or maintain those objectives, we have ultimately cheated on ourselves. When it comes down to it, the most important person you have to be faithful to is yourself. You have to establish what is important to you and then be faithful to yourself, then you will be living the life that you have established is important to you because your behavior will correspond to achieving and maintaining that life.

Be faithful to yourself, the result of cheating is not having the life you say you want.

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