God or spirit stands beside us in every aspect of our everyday lives. If you can begin to see how your notion of spirit has been shaped by your early childhood, you can start to look at love as a mirror of the present instead of the past.
This is a key concept: When you fall in love, you fall for a mirror of your own most present needs.
The intense desirability of another person isn’t innate in that person. Desire is born in the one who desires. If your underlying self-image is that of a helpless, unloved child, any show of power arouses incredible yearning in you.
There is nothing wrong with this – we all project similar needs in our search for love. Nor is there anything wrong with a bedazzled state of infatuation. Each affair, real or imaginary, has a repeated message to offer: “You are loved.” It is the simplest of messages, but often the hardest to absorb. For spirit isn’t saying, “You are loved as long as your passion for this person lasts.” It is saying, “You are loved,” without any qualifications.
There is infinite patience in spirit, infinite willingness to wait upon our attention. And one day, in your own time, you will notice.
Each person that you have loved is a tiny reminder of who you are. This isn’t solipsistic but a natural reflection of your needs. You aren’t judged by the love life you choose, since no one is outside yourself to judge – there is only you as the Self, looking at you from a different angle.
The Self looking at you is the primary relationship you bring into all situations. Realizing that, you will start to reduce expectations for other relationships. Your healing will be to fall in love with that Self.
Adapted from The Path to Love, by Deepak Chopra (Three Rivers Press, 1997).