Marianne Williamson
Posted: January 16, 2011 12:06 AM
Arizona Shooting: Words Have Meaning
According to "A Course in Miracles," all minds are joined. While it appears to the physical eye that I am here and you are over there, on the level of mind there is no place where you stop and I start. We are all affected by everyone else's thoughts, just as a butterfly flapping its wings near the South Pole affects the wind currents at the North Pole. When any wave moves, the entire ocean shifts.
So it's basically irrelevant whether Jared Loughner specifically related to the hate speech around him in some linear, causal way. Thoughts can go viral, as we have seen throughout history when group pathologies overcame the better angels of a people (Hitler's Germany was an example). And as it is written in The Course, "all thought creates form on some level." If enough hate-thought and hate-speech is present, it's almost inevitable that some hate-filled manifestation will emerge somewhere within that field of consciousness. Jared Loughner was swimming in the thought-forms and images of hate, as almost all of us are these days. And to an obviously deranged mind, violent thought forms are like gasoline to an already smoldering fire.
I heard a not-yet-declared 2012 Presidential candidate on television, refusing to condemn the use of gun imagery in political dialogue. "After all," he said, "we have free speech." Darn right, Sir. And something else we should have is a dose of healthy shame. Maybe it shouldn't be illegal to talk about one's political opponents as though they're enemy combatants. But it should be unthinkable.
Hopefully after the events in Tucson, things will quiet down and our political dialogue will become more civilized and respectful. One can only hope. We had two days of a sober, silent and tender collective heartbeat, and even in its sadness it was inspiring. The Tucson memorial had some stunning moments. As it was after 9/11, Americans got quiet for a moment of group sanity....we felt the authenticity of our humanness...we actually remembered we were a nation. But it didn't last then, and we will see whether it lasts now.
In Alcoholics Anonymous, it is often said that "every problem comes bearing its own solution." Tragedy takes us to the very state of consciousness which, were we to hold to it, would go far toward preventing further tragedies. Whether pundits, politicians and media personalities choose to use this tragedy to grow spiritually, to increase their compassion, to commit more deeply to love, is under no one's control but their own. But each of us can decide for ourselves what we will personally do with this latest national tragedy. We can remember that just as hate thought and hate speech does indeed affect the entire world, so do loving thought and loving speech. The only thing greater than a forcefield of hate is a forcefield of love. And each and every one of us -- with the thoughts we think, the words we use and the things we do -- contribute, or fail to contribute, to the field of consciousness that will save us all.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Warrior of Light
What is a warrior of light?
Warriors of light keep the spark in their eyes.
They are in the world, are part of other people’s lives, and began their journey without a rucksack and sandals. They are often cowards. They don’t always act right.
Warriors of light suffer over useless things, have some petty attitudes, and at times feel they are incapable of growing. They frequently believe they are unworthy of any blessing or miracle.
Warriors of light are not always sure what they are doing here. Often they stay up all night thinking that their lives have no meaning.
Every warrior of light has felt the fear of joining in battle. Every warrior of light has once lost faith in the future.
Every warrior of light has once trodden a path that was not his/her. Every warrior of light has once felt that he/she was not a warrior of light. Every warrior of light has once failed in his/her spiritual obligations.
That is what makes them warriors of light; because they have has been through all this and have not lost the hope of becoming better.
That is why they are warriors of light.
Because they make mistakes.
Because they wonder.
Because they look for a reason – and they will certainly find one.
PAULO COELHO
Warriors of light keep the spark in their eyes.
They are in the world, are part of other people’s lives, and began their journey without a rucksack and sandals. They are often cowards. They don’t always act right.
Warriors of light suffer over useless things, have some petty attitudes, and at times feel they are incapable of growing. They frequently believe they are unworthy of any blessing or miracle.
Warriors of light are not always sure what they are doing here. Often they stay up all night thinking that their lives have no meaning.
Every warrior of light has felt the fear of joining in battle. Every warrior of light has once lost faith in the future.
Every warrior of light has once trodden a path that was not his/her. Every warrior of light has once felt that he/she was not a warrior of light. Every warrior of light has once failed in his/her spiritual obligations.
That is what makes them warriors of light; because they have has been through all this and have not lost the hope of becoming better.
That is why they are warriors of light.
Because they make mistakes.
Because they wonder.
Because they look for a reason – and they will certainly find one.
PAULO COELHO
Friday, January 14, 2011
LONELY EMBER
LONELY EMBER STORY
Author Unknown
A member of a certain church, who previously had been attending services regularly, stopped going. After a few weeks, the pastor decided to visit him. It was a chilly evening. The pastor found the man at home alone, sitting before a blazing fire.
Guessing the reason for his pastor's visit, the man welcomed him, led him to a big chair near the fireplace and waited. The pastor made himself comfortable but said nothing. In the grave silence, he contemplated the play of the flames around the burning logs.
After some minutes, the pastor took the fire tongs, carefully picked up a brightly burning ember and placed it to one side of the hearth all alone. Then he sat back in his chair, still silent. The host watched all this in quiet fascination. As the one lone ember's flame diminished, there was a momentary glow and then its fire was no more. Soon it was cold and "dead as a doornail." Not a word had been spoken since the initial greeting.
Just before the pastor was ready to leave, he picked up the cold, dead ember and placed it back in the middle of the fire. Immediately it began to glow once more with the light and warmth of the burning coals around it. As the pastor reached the door to leave, his host said, "Thank you so much for your visit and especially for the fiery sermon. I shall be back in church next Sunday."
Author Unknown
A member of a certain church, who previously had been attending services regularly, stopped going. After a few weeks, the pastor decided to visit him. It was a chilly evening. The pastor found the man at home alone, sitting before a blazing fire.
Guessing the reason for his pastor's visit, the man welcomed him, led him to a big chair near the fireplace and waited. The pastor made himself comfortable but said nothing. In the grave silence, he contemplated the play of the flames around the burning logs.
After some minutes, the pastor took the fire tongs, carefully picked up a brightly burning ember and placed it to one side of the hearth all alone. Then he sat back in his chair, still silent. The host watched all this in quiet fascination. As the one lone ember's flame diminished, there was a momentary glow and then its fire was no more. Soon it was cold and "dead as a doornail." Not a word had been spoken since the initial greeting.
Just before the pastor was ready to leave, he picked up the cold, dead ember and placed it back in the middle of the fire. Immediately it began to glow once more with the light and warmth of the burning coals around it. As the pastor reached the door to leave, his host said, "Thank you so much for your visit and especially for the fiery sermon. I shall be back in church next Sunday."
Thursday, January 13, 2011
YOUR DREAM......
Remember that scene in Pretty Woman, when the dude with the gigantic smile is yelling to Julia Roberts, “What’s your dream?” He’s the voice I hear in my head whenever I think about how I want to craft my life.
His question is such a vital one, and yet, when I ask my Change Catalyst coaching clients this question, way too many of them stare at me blankly. Often, they’re far from living the life of their dreams. Many have actually achieved the dream they had earlier in life, only to realize that it doesn’t make them happy. So now what?
Dreaming Is The First Step
But how do you get in touch with your dreams? Many of us fail to allow ourselves to fully dream. We might get glimpses of our dreams. A fleeting thought flies through your head- something huge like “I want to be a TV talk show host” or “I want to fly airplanes” or “I want to write a bestselling book” or “I want to start my own school” — and before we even get a chance to enjoy that moment of dreaming, our inner critic starts spouting off. Next thing we know, we’ve banished the dream from our minds.
The inner critic has such power over us that next time someone asks you about your dream, you draw a blank. You’ve banished the dream so completely from your consciousness that you can’t even remember what it is.
Sad. SO sad.
If You Can’t Dream It, You Can’t Do It
My friend Kymberlee Weil of Strategic Samurai, who breaks boards with her bare hands and does all sorts of other mind-blowing, seemingly impossible Martial Arts feats, says:
One of the most important skills to master is that of visualization. For optimum performance, it is critical not only to visualize an outcome, but also to visualize the smallest of details needed to realize that particular outcome. I’ve learned that the brain can’t easily distinguish between reality and focused intense imagined reality through visualization, and this can come in very handy. I regularly visualize Martial Arts skills in order to master them, and I have extended my practice of visualization into business as well. Rarely does the meeting or negotiation take place that I have not visualized the heck out of it beforehand. AND IT WORKS!!
What If Dreaming Is Hard?
If you’re finding it hard to dream, you’re not alone. Back when I was working full time as a busy, miserable OB/GYN, I couldn’t begin to imagine what would make me feel happy and unfilled. I just knew it wasn’t what I was doing with my life.
I had little touchstones. Like I knew I enjoyed painting. And I could lose myself in a deep, intimate conversation about something that mattered to me. And once upon a time, back when I was in college, I enjoyed writing, although I hadn’t done it for over a decade.
But how could I create a dream out of those touchstones? I had no clue.
If you’re finding it hard to dream of what you want, dig deeper into what you DON’T want.
Questions To Clarify What You DON’T Want
What makes you feel completely drained?
What experiences make you want to numb out, by eating sugar, boozing it up, or zoning in front of the boob tube?
What activities elicits physical symptoms in you, such as bouts of nausea or headaches?
What fills with you with looming dread?
What creates a panicky feeling in your body?
What people make you shrink?
What do you find yourself forgetting or screwing up repetitively?
Pay attention to these things! This is your authentic self bellowing at you, trying to get you to listen.
Questions To Clarify What You DO Want
What makes you lose track of time?
What do other people tell you you ROCK at?
What makes you feel uber healthy?
What circumstances or experiences rev up your creative juices?
What people make you feel like a superhero?
What circumstances or activities make you feel relaxed?
My Big Dream
When I was a kid, my big dream was to become a doctor. Then I did it. Check.
Only it didn’t make me happy. Sure, I was good at it. In fact, I was a GREAT doctor. One of the best, if I do say so myself. But it just never felt right. It was like wearing those shoes you paid $200 for because they looked so pretty, even though they pinch your toes and make you feel off balance.
Once I realized what I didn’t want, I felt lost, ungrounded, fuzzy, confused, disjointed. I floundered. I cried. I grieved the twelve years of medical education I feared I wasted.
And then I let myself start dreaming.
Each month, my dream gets just a little bit more clear, kind of like painting in the details after outlining a rough sketch of a painting with charcoal. At first, all I could dream was a feeling. Now, I can almost see it as if it’s real. And I’ve finally sent my inner critic to time out so I can go crazy with my dreaming process. My dreams are BIG these days, and I’ve finally made peace with that, rather than beating myself up for being too ambitious or too stupid or too narcissistic. Now, with permission to dream, I’m allowing myself to admit that I want to:
Build a rocking coaching practice so I can continue to work one-on-one with people in a way that fits my authentic self better than medicine
Host my own TV talk show
Start a healing retreat center where people (including me) can gather to teach healing workshops and join in community
Write a boatload of books
Grow Owning Pink into a world class web destination where people can find the resources to take their next steps towards living a fully, whole, healthy, joyful life
Am I crazy? Maybe. But at least I’m a crazy person with big dreams! Will I feel like a failure if I never achieve these things? Nah. Who knows what the Universe has in store for me. I’m cool with whatever happens, and if I never achieve anything more than I have today, that’s cool too.
But I love to dream. And I’m gonna keep on doing it.
Getting Close On Your Dreams
Helping my coaching clients dream is one of the things I love doing the most. It’s so fun for me. As soon as someone starts talking, I can literally “see” them light up, even if our session is via the telephone or Skype. It juices me up so much to witness people getting in touch with that spark, that little light inside that has been shining all along and is finally ready to roar. It makes my day. Seriously. If I can help you with this process, please let me. I’d love nothing more.
What about you? What’s your dream? What do you want? What don’t you want? Are you getting clear on your big dream? Tell us!
LISA RANKINN
His question is such a vital one, and yet, when I ask my Change Catalyst coaching clients this question, way too many of them stare at me blankly. Often, they’re far from living the life of their dreams. Many have actually achieved the dream they had earlier in life, only to realize that it doesn’t make them happy. So now what?
Dreaming Is The First Step
But how do you get in touch with your dreams? Many of us fail to allow ourselves to fully dream. We might get glimpses of our dreams. A fleeting thought flies through your head- something huge like “I want to be a TV talk show host” or “I want to fly airplanes” or “I want to write a bestselling book” or “I want to start my own school” — and before we even get a chance to enjoy that moment of dreaming, our inner critic starts spouting off. Next thing we know, we’ve banished the dream from our minds.
The inner critic has such power over us that next time someone asks you about your dream, you draw a blank. You’ve banished the dream so completely from your consciousness that you can’t even remember what it is.
Sad. SO sad.
If You Can’t Dream It, You Can’t Do It
My friend Kymberlee Weil of Strategic Samurai, who breaks boards with her bare hands and does all sorts of other mind-blowing, seemingly impossible Martial Arts feats, says:
One of the most important skills to master is that of visualization. For optimum performance, it is critical not only to visualize an outcome, but also to visualize the smallest of details needed to realize that particular outcome. I’ve learned that the brain can’t easily distinguish between reality and focused intense imagined reality through visualization, and this can come in very handy. I regularly visualize Martial Arts skills in order to master them, and I have extended my practice of visualization into business as well. Rarely does the meeting or negotiation take place that I have not visualized the heck out of it beforehand. AND IT WORKS!!
What If Dreaming Is Hard?
If you’re finding it hard to dream, you’re not alone. Back when I was working full time as a busy, miserable OB/GYN, I couldn’t begin to imagine what would make me feel happy and unfilled. I just knew it wasn’t what I was doing with my life.
I had little touchstones. Like I knew I enjoyed painting. And I could lose myself in a deep, intimate conversation about something that mattered to me. And once upon a time, back when I was in college, I enjoyed writing, although I hadn’t done it for over a decade.
But how could I create a dream out of those touchstones? I had no clue.
If you’re finding it hard to dream of what you want, dig deeper into what you DON’T want.
Questions To Clarify What You DON’T Want
What makes you feel completely drained?
What experiences make you want to numb out, by eating sugar, boozing it up, or zoning in front of the boob tube?
What activities elicits physical symptoms in you, such as bouts of nausea or headaches?
What fills with you with looming dread?
What creates a panicky feeling in your body?
What people make you shrink?
What do you find yourself forgetting or screwing up repetitively?
Pay attention to these things! This is your authentic self bellowing at you, trying to get you to listen.
Questions To Clarify What You DO Want
What makes you lose track of time?
What do other people tell you you ROCK at?
What makes you feel uber healthy?
What circumstances or experiences rev up your creative juices?
What people make you feel like a superhero?
What circumstances or activities make you feel relaxed?
My Big Dream
When I was a kid, my big dream was to become a doctor. Then I did it. Check.
Only it didn’t make me happy. Sure, I was good at it. In fact, I was a GREAT doctor. One of the best, if I do say so myself. But it just never felt right. It was like wearing those shoes you paid $200 for because they looked so pretty, even though they pinch your toes and make you feel off balance.
Once I realized what I didn’t want, I felt lost, ungrounded, fuzzy, confused, disjointed. I floundered. I cried. I grieved the twelve years of medical education I feared I wasted.
And then I let myself start dreaming.
Each month, my dream gets just a little bit more clear, kind of like painting in the details after outlining a rough sketch of a painting with charcoal. At first, all I could dream was a feeling. Now, I can almost see it as if it’s real. And I’ve finally sent my inner critic to time out so I can go crazy with my dreaming process. My dreams are BIG these days, and I’ve finally made peace with that, rather than beating myself up for being too ambitious or too stupid or too narcissistic. Now, with permission to dream, I’m allowing myself to admit that I want to:
Build a rocking coaching practice so I can continue to work one-on-one with people in a way that fits my authentic self better than medicine
Host my own TV talk show
Start a healing retreat center where people (including me) can gather to teach healing workshops and join in community
Write a boatload of books
Grow Owning Pink into a world class web destination where people can find the resources to take their next steps towards living a fully, whole, healthy, joyful life
Am I crazy? Maybe. But at least I’m a crazy person with big dreams! Will I feel like a failure if I never achieve these things? Nah. Who knows what the Universe has in store for me. I’m cool with whatever happens, and if I never achieve anything more than I have today, that’s cool too.
But I love to dream. And I’m gonna keep on doing it.
Getting Close On Your Dreams
Helping my coaching clients dream is one of the things I love doing the most. It’s so fun for me. As soon as someone starts talking, I can literally “see” them light up, even if our session is via the telephone or Skype. It juices me up so much to witness people getting in touch with that spark, that little light inside that has been shining all along and is finally ready to roar. It makes my day. Seriously. If I can help you with this process, please let me. I’d love nothing more.
What about you? What’s your dream? What do you want? What don’t you want? Are you getting clear on your big dream? Tell us!
LISA RANKINN
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Letting Go and Moving Forward - By Karim Hajee
Let's face it. Many of us choose to hang on to things that at some point have hurt us, angered us, made us feel sad, or depressed us. If we choose to hang on to them, we will never move forward and we could even create physical or medical damage to our bodies. To prevent this from happening we need to let go...but no one really tells you how to let go and move forward. Sure it's easy to say: "Just let go, move forward, forget about it, just let go." But that really doesn't work. I'm about to show you how to let go and start moving forward.
Why You Need to Let Go and Move Forward
Throughout our lives we go through different experiences, some are positive and some we see as negative and unpleasant. When you hang on to a negative or unpleasant experience you are constantly thinking about it. And when you constantly think about that negative event you prevent yourself from healing. How many pleasant memories do you recall every day? Chances are you're like most people and you have a number of unpleasant experiences that you're holding on to, which is preventing you from moving forward.
The more you carry the worse life gets. Why? Because you've filled your mind up with negative experiences, because you continually hang on to something that doesn't allow you to move forward, in short, you're carrying useless baggage that's really slowing you down.
Think of it this way: you're on a hiking trip and along the way you keep picking up heavy objects, things that really don't serve you. After a while, these objects begin to slow you down and unless you get rid of them, you'll never complete your trip.
To let go you have to get your mind to focus on different goals and different objectives. It's not about saying: I let go of the pain from my fight with -- and move on. That will help, but if you really want to start moving on, then you have to get your mind to focus on new things, in the process you automatically let go of the things that have been slowing you down.
How to Let Go and Move Forward
Researchers believe that that if you hold on to negative feelings, sad emotions or depressing memories there is a possibility that you could reshape the human cell to the point where your thoughts of the past have a negative effect on your cells and your physical health.
Hanging on to negative past events is a process that can destroy your life in ways you're not even aware of. Ask yourself these questions: Do the negative things you hang on to serve you any purpose? Do they help you move forward? Do they work in your favor in any way? If you said no to any or all of the above then tell yourself this: This emotion/feeling doesn't help me so I'm letting it go and focusing on what is important. Then begin focusing on what you want next, focus on what is important and what can improve your life. This is a simple process that gets the mind moving in a new direction and you stop building negative energy created from the negative events/emotions, which only attracts more negative situations. When you begin focusing on more positive things you begin attracting positive situations.
The next step is to create an action plan; the past is over. Where do you want to go now and how do you plan to get there? You may not have the answers but merely thinking about the options forces your mind to go in a new direction and you automatically let go of unwanted feelings and emotions.
The key to your success is to train your mind to move in a new direction so you send new messages to your subconscious mind, which then brings you the opportunities to move forward.
The final step is to live in the present moment, to start living in the now. Living in the now is different than living for the moment. Living in the now is the process of enjoying everything that is going on at this present moment. Take a look around you and appreciate those things that you once thought were trivial. When you are here now you can be nowhere else. You are not hanging on to something, you are here now. I know some of you may say the following: "But Karim, where I am right now really sucks, I don't want to think about it." It only sucks because you're looking at all the negative things going on. Focus on a few of the positive things anything from nature to the wonderful family you may have. This forces your mind to look at things differently and tells your subconscious mind that you're ready for new possibilities, then you'll begin to let go and move forward.
Why You Need to Let Go and Move Forward
Throughout our lives we go through different experiences, some are positive and some we see as negative and unpleasant. When you hang on to a negative or unpleasant experience you are constantly thinking about it. And when you constantly think about that negative event you prevent yourself from healing. How many pleasant memories do you recall every day? Chances are you're like most people and you have a number of unpleasant experiences that you're holding on to, which is preventing you from moving forward.
The more you carry the worse life gets. Why? Because you've filled your mind up with negative experiences, because you continually hang on to something that doesn't allow you to move forward, in short, you're carrying useless baggage that's really slowing you down.
Think of it this way: you're on a hiking trip and along the way you keep picking up heavy objects, things that really don't serve you. After a while, these objects begin to slow you down and unless you get rid of them, you'll never complete your trip.
To let go you have to get your mind to focus on different goals and different objectives. It's not about saying: I let go of the pain from my fight with -- and move on. That will help, but if you really want to start moving on, then you have to get your mind to focus on new things, in the process you automatically let go of the things that have been slowing you down.
How to Let Go and Move Forward
Researchers believe that that if you hold on to negative feelings, sad emotions or depressing memories there is a possibility that you could reshape the human cell to the point where your thoughts of the past have a negative effect on your cells and your physical health.
Hanging on to negative past events is a process that can destroy your life in ways you're not even aware of. Ask yourself these questions: Do the negative things you hang on to serve you any purpose? Do they help you move forward? Do they work in your favor in any way? If you said no to any or all of the above then tell yourself this: This emotion/feeling doesn't help me so I'm letting it go and focusing on what is important. Then begin focusing on what you want next, focus on what is important and what can improve your life. This is a simple process that gets the mind moving in a new direction and you stop building negative energy created from the negative events/emotions, which only attracts more negative situations. When you begin focusing on more positive things you begin attracting positive situations.
The next step is to create an action plan; the past is over. Where do you want to go now and how do you plan to get there? You may not have the answers but merely thinking about the options forces your mind to go in a new direction and you automatically let go of unwanted feelings and emotions.
The key to your success is to train your mind to move in a new direction so you send new messages to your subconscious mind, which then brings you the opportunities to move forward.
The final step is to live in the present moment, to start living in the now. Living in the now is different than living for the moment. Living in the now is the process of enjoying everything that is going on at this present moment. Take a look around you and appreciate those things that you once thought were trivial. When you are here now you can be nowhere else. You are not hanging on to something, you are here now. I know some of you may say the following: "But Karim, where I am right now really sucks, I don't want to think about it." It only sucks because you're looking at all the negative things going on. Focus on a few of the positive things anything from nature to the wonderful family you may have. This forces your mind to look at things differently and tells your subconscious mind that you're ready for new possibilities, then you'll begin to let go and move forward.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Sadness over education.
Today, managing to get through the nonsense of Christmas Sales, the bad economy, and the late night news, I felt sadder than I have felt about the state of the world and America. I watched young parents and students on the news cry. They cried about their little elementary school having to close because there was not enough money to keep it open. How is possible that this seems to be happening more often these days? With millions going to Wall Street, car companies, banks, and various corporations, why is education falling through the cracks more and more these days. I remember hearing so many stories about teachers not be paid enough- not enough for Saltines. And then, we have so many raping this country blind. Why do we pay sports figures hundreds of millions and pay a teacher under $35,000? I am starting to realize that this is the direct effect of so many ignorant folk these days. When persons can run for Congress or the Senate and cannot tell you about what is in the Constitution, then we have an answer. I thought that lotteries were supposed to supply school in each state with millions of dollars in revenue. Have we been asleep to long? I am sad.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Bullying
Bullying in America: Time to Confront National Crisis Experts Say
Caroline Cassels
October 27, 2010 — The shocking rash of 4 recent suicides involving young, allegedly gay, males where bullying was cited as a major factor in their deaths has refocused attention on what experts say is a national public health crisis that must be confronted.
The New York Times reports 15-year-old Billy Lucas hanged himself September 9 after reportedly being told by students at his high school to commit suicide. Asher Brown and Seth Welsh, both 13 years old, also took their lives in September after being bullied for being gay.
Vigil for Tyler Clementi. Reena Rose Sibayan/AP
In the same month Rutgers University freshman Tyler Clementi jumped from the George Washington Bridge after 2 of his fellow students allegedly videotaped a sexual encounter of Clementi and another man then posted it online.
A recent national survey, also released in September, and conducted by the Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network (GLSEN), shows 90% of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) youth experience harassment at school.
"It is so clear that anti-LGBT actions and behaviors and language are really the weapon of choice in a lot of American schools," Joseph Kosciw, PhD, GLSEN senior director of research and strategic initiatives, told Medscape Medical News.
Jack Drescher, MD, a distinguished fellow of the American Psychiatric Association (APA) and a past chair of the APA's committee on GLB issues, says based on his clinical experience working with LGBT patients, he is not surprised by the GLSEN findings.
One perennial idea that needs to be challenged is that being bullied toughens kids up...as we have seen in the reports of recent months, in some cases children do not toughen up but break down.
"I have treated many gay patients who, as adults, tell of stories of being publicly bullied and harassed, not only by other kids but by family members. The kids who are most at risk are those who are unable to hide gender atypical behavior — they are considered either too effeminate as boys or too masculine as girls," Dr. Drescher told Medscape Medical News.
"Not only do they experience verbal harassment, threats of violence, and actual violence, the way these kids are treated serves as a warning to other kids who may be LGBT but not so easily spotted," Dr. Drescher added.
Dr. Drescher went on to note that while much has been done in recent years to get schools and parents to take greater control of environments that permit bullying, more needs to be done.
"One perennial idea that needs to be challenged, for example, is that being bullied toughens kids up. However, this often serves as a pretext or rationalization for not exerting adult control over the antisocial behavior of some children. And as we have seen in the reports of recent months, in some cases children do not toughen up but break down," he said.
The Problem Persists
It is so clear that anti-LGBT actions and behaviors and language are really the weapon of choice in a lot of American schools.
Dr. Kosciw noted that although there is a growing awareness of the damaging effects of LGBT bullying, and bullying in general, the problem persists.
"We have been monitoring the experience of school students — LGBT as well as students in the general population — for the past 10 years, and sadly we haven't seen enormous changes in school climates for LGBT students.
"There has been some reduction in homophobic remarks and some changes since 2007 in victimization, but when you look at the whole picture there haven't been too many increases in school safety, particularly for this population, and there's much more work to be done," he said.
The survey also revealed that 61.1% of LGBT students felt unsafe in school because of their sexual orientation and 39.9% felt unsafe because of their gender expression.
National statistics show that in the United States approximately 30% of youth engage in bullying either as victims or perpetrators or both.
At the University of Houston, researcher Allison Dempsey, PhD, assistant professor, educational psychology, agreed and said that although subgroups such as LGBT youth have higher victimization rates, in the general population estimates of bullying among middle and high school students are also unacceptably high and run at about 30%.
"National statistics show in the United States approximately 30% of youth engage in bullying either as victims or perpetrators or both," she told Medscape Medical News. In fact, she added, the United States has a higher rate of youth bullying than many countries.
International rates of student victimization range from a low of 4.1% in Sweden to a staggering 41% in Lithuania, said Dr. Dempsey.
Cyberbullying
What constitutes bullying? "There is overt bullying which includes physical assaults, such as kicking and punching, as well as verbal assaults, such as name-calling.
"Then there is relational bullying, which can involve excluding people, spreading rumors about them, so essentially attacking their social status, and more recently we've seen the emergence of cyberbullying, where children are harassed via the Internet," said Dr. Dempsey.
Although cyberbullying accounts for about 10% of youth victimization, Dr. Dempsey added, it has the potential to be even more pernicious than "traditional" bullying settings.
"The most disturbing aspect of cyberbullying is that kids can't get away from it by leaving the school grounds or leaving the social situation. Nowadays kids have their phones with them almost all the time and have their computers in their bedrooms, so no matter where they are the bullies can get to them," she said.
"Cyberbullying is also a less noticeable form of bullying, so there is even less opportunity for bystanders to intervene. We know that only 1 in 10 kids that are bullied online actually tell somebody about it," she added.
Weighing in on this issue, APA President Carol Bernstein, MD, agreed there is an "ease" to cyberbullying that is unsettling. "The anonymity of it and the fact that you can taunt someone without having to face them is disturbing. It makes bullying easier," she said.
On the other hand, said Dr. Dempsey, it is worth noting that youth who use the Internet to victimize others are often unaware that they are leaving an "electronic trail" that can be used by the victim to prove bullying occurred and in potential legal proceedings.
"We are hearing a lot about cyberbullying, and while it is important, it only accounts for about 10% of [bullying] incidents. We definitely need to pay attention to it, but we should not neglect the issue of bullying in traditional settings because these account for the majority [of incidents]," she added.
The Damage
There's no doubt, say the experts, that bullying can have serious negative consequences — in the short term and over time.
Bullying has been associated with increased school dropout rates, as well as higher rates of depression, social anxiety, suicidal ideation, aggression, and academic problems.
However, Dr. Dempsey noted, that longitudinal research also suggests that beyond an association, there is a causal effect, and victims can experience serious, long-term negative outcomes.
A study...showed young children who are severely or continually bullied have a 4-fold increased risk of developing psychotic symptoms in early adolescence.
A study published in May 2009 in Archives of General Psychiatry and reported by Medscape Medical News at that time showed young children who are severely or continually bullied have a 4-fold increased risk of developing psychotic symptoms in early adolescence.
Dr. Dempsey noted that recent work by her group, which is currently under review, shows a positive correlation between bullying and suicidal ideation and suicide attempts over time.
In addition to LGBT youth, there are other subgroups of young people who experience higher than average rates of victimization, including those with psychiatric and chronic medical conditions.
According to Dr. Dempsey, up to one-third of children with diabetes experience "disease-related" bullying, which can have a negative impact on their physical, as well as psychological, health.
"If kids are called 'junkies' for taking insulin shots, they may reduce the amount of insulin they inject. We also know that kids with asthma experience increased rates of victimization," she said.
In May, research published in the journal Pediatrics and also reported by Medscape Medical News showed obese and overweight children had up to a 2-fold increased risk of being bullied than their peers who were not obese.
"Kids who are overweight and obese are more often bullied, causing increased stress, which then leads to binge eating and ultimately increases their weight," said Dr. Dempsey.
Antibullying Legislation
So how can youth bullying be curbed if not eliminated? GLSEN's research shows schools with so-called Gay-Straight Alliances, clubs that offer an opportunity to address issues relevant to LGBT students, result in a more positive school experience.
Dr. Kosciw added that the presence of supportive staff and firm antibullying policies in schools contribute to more positive outcomes for all kids. This is a key priority for GLSEN, which, among other initiatives, recently relaunched its Safe Space Kit designed to help educators create a safe space for LGBT youth in schools.
If passed, federal antibullying legislation would require schools and districts that receive federal funding to adopt anti-bullying policies and codes of conduct.
GLSEN research also shows students who live in states with enumerated antibullying legislation —that is, laws that specifically list factors such as sexual orientation, gender identity, race, and religion — report more positive school climates and experiences compared with their counterparts who live in states without such laws.
At the national level, Dr. Kosciw notes that, GLSEN is a staunch supporter of the Safe Schools Improvement Act, which was introduced in the US Senate earlier this year.
If passed, this federal antibullying legislation would require schools and districts that receive federal funding to adopt antibullying policies and codes of conduct that prohibit bullying or harassment on the basis of race, color, religion, national origin, sex, disability, sexual orientation, and perceived or gender identity.
Warning Signs
At the individual level, Dr. Dempsey said, it is important that educators, parents, and clinicians screen for bullying and directly ask children and youth about the issue.
It is also important that family physicians, pediatricians, and psychiatrists, who may have patients with chronic physical or mental illnesses, be aware that these patients are at increased risk for victimization and screen for it.
She noted that children who are bullied often experience changes in behavior, such as aggression, loss of appetite, insomnia, or a reluctance to go to school, among others, and that these should be treated as warning signs that bullying may be occurring.
"We need to educate people to look for this and understand all the different behaviors that are parts of bullying. It is not just hitting or punching, but it is also spreading rumors about somebody or trying to cause embarrassment to that person, and so people need to recognize and take it very seriously when they see it happening," said Dr. Dempsey.
"I personally wonder that if there's something about the culture [in the United States] that makes bullying more acceptable than in other countries. There are a lot of people out there that have the attitude that bullying is a part of growing up, and until we shift those attitudes we're not going to see change," she added.
Caroline Cassels
October 27, 2010 — The shocking rash of 4 recent suicides involving young, allegedly gay, males where bullying was cited as a major factor in their deaths has refocused attention on what experts say is a national public health crisis that must be confronted.
The New York Times reports 15-year-old Billy Lucas hanged himself September 9 after reportedly being told by students at his high school to commit suicide. Asher Brown and Seth Welsh, both 13 years old, also took their lives in September after being bullied for being gay.
Vigil for Tyler Clementi. Reena Rose Sibayan/AP
In the same month Rutgers University freshman Tyler Clementi jumped from the George Washington Bridge after 2 of his fellow students allegedly videotaped a sexual encounter of Clementi and another man then posted it online.
A recent national survey, also released in September, and conducted by the Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network (GLSEN), shows 90% of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) youth experience harassment at school.
"It is so clear that anti-LGBT actions and behaviors and language are really the weapon of choice in a lot of American schools," Joseph Kosciw, PhD, GLSEN senior director of research and strategic initiatives, told Medscape Medical News.
Jack Drescher, MD, a distinguished fellow of the American Psychiatric Association (APA) and a past chair of the APA's committee on GLB issues, says based on his clinical experience working with LGBT patients, he is not surprised by the GLSEN findings.
One perennial idea that needs to be challenged is that being bullied toughens kids up...as we have seen in the reports of recent months, in some cases children do not toughen up but break down.
"I have treated many gay patients who, as adults, tell of stories of being publicly bullied and harassed, not only by other kids but by family members. The kids who are most at risk are those who are unable to hide gender atypical behavior — they are considered either too effeminate as boys or too masculine as girls," Dr. Drescher told Medscape Medical News.
"Not only do they experience verbal harassment, threats of violence, and actual violence, the way these kids are treated serves as a warning to other kids who may be LGBT but not so easily spotted," Dr. Drescher added.
Dr. Drescher went on to note that while much has been done in recent years to get schools and parents to take greater control of environments that permit bullying, more needs to be done.
"One perennial idea that needs to be challenged, for example, is that being bullied toughens kids up. However, this often serves as a pretext or rationalization for not exerting adult control over the antisocial behavior of some children. And as we have seen in the reports of recent months, in some cases children do not toughen up but break down," he said.
The Problem Persists
It is so clear that anti-LGBT actions and behaviors and language are really the weapon of choice in a lot of American schools.
Dr. Kosciw noted that although there is a growing awareness of the damaging effects of LGBT bullying, and bullying in general, the problem persists.
"We have been monitoring the experience of school students — LGBT as well as students in the general population — for the past 10 years, and sadly we haven't seen enormous changes in school climates for LGBT students.
"There has been some reduction in homophobic remarks and some changes since 2007 in victimization, but when you look at the whole picture there haven't been too many increases in school safety, particularly for this population, and there's much more work to be done," he said.
The survey also revealed that 61.1% of LGBT students felt unsafe in school because of their sexual orientation and 39.9% felt unsafe because of their gender expression.
National statistics show that in the United States approximately 30% of youth engage in bullying either as victims or perpetrators or both.
At the University of Houston, researcher Allison Dempsey, PhD, assistant professor, educational psychology, agreed and said that although subgroups such as LGBT youth have higher victimization rates, in the general population estimates of bullying among middle and high school students are also unacceptably high and run at about 30%.
"National statistics show in the United States approximately 30% of youth engage in bullying either as victims or perpetrators or both," she told Medscape Medical News. In fact, she added, the United States has a higher rate of youth bullying than many countries.
International rates of student victimization range from a low of 4.1% in Sweden to a staggering 41% in Lithuania, said Dr. Dempsey.
Cyberbullying
What constitutes bullying? "There is overt bullying which includes physical assaults, such as kicking and punching, as well as verbal assaults, such as name-calling.
"Then there is relational bullying, which can involve excluding people, spreading rumors about them, so essentially attacking their social status, and more recently we've seen the emergence of cyberbullying, where children are harassed via the Internet," said Dr. Dempsey.
Although cyberbullying accounts for about 10% of youth victimization, Dr. Dempsey added, it has the potential to be even more pernicious than "traditional" bullying settings.
"The most disturbing aspect of cyberbullying is that kids can't get away from it by leaving the school grounds or leaving the social situation. Nowadays kids have their phones with them almost all the time and have their computers in their bedrooms, so no matter where they are the bullies can get to them," she said.
"Cyberbullying is also a less noticeable form of bullying, so there is even less opportunity for bystanders to intervene. We know that only 1 in 10 kids that are bullied online actually tell somebody about it," she added.
Weighing in on this issue, APA President Carol Bernstein, MD, agreed there is an "ease" to cyberbullying that is unsettling. "The anonymity of it and the fact that you can taunt someone without having to face them is disturbing. It makes bullying easier," she said.
On the other hand, said Dr. Dempsey, it is worth noting that youth who use the Internet to victimize others are often unaware that they are leaving an "electronic trail" that can be used by the victim to prove bullying occurred and in potential legal proceedings.
"We are hearing a lot about cyberbullying, and while it is important, it only accounts for about 10% of [bullying] incidents. We definitely need to pay attention to it, but we should not neglect the issue of bullying in traditional settings because these account for the majority [of incidents]," she added.
The Damage
There's no doubt, say the experts, that bullying can have serious negative consequences — in the short term and over time.
Bullying has been associated with increased school dropout rates, as well as higher rates of depression, social anxiety, suicidal ideation, aggression, and academic problems.
However, Dr. Dempsey noted, that longitudinal research also suggests that beyond an association, there is a causal effect, and victims can experience serious, long-term negative outcomes.
A study...showed young children who are severely or continually bullied have a 4-fold increased risk of developing psychotic symptoms in early adolescence.
A study published in May 2009 in Archives of General Psychiatry and reported by Medscape Medical News at that time showed young children who are severely or continually bullied have a 4-fold increased risk of developing psychotic symptoms in early adolescence.
Dr. Dempsey noted that recent work by her group, which is currently under review, shows a positive correlation between bullying and suicidal ideation and suicide attempts over time.
In addition to LGBT youth, there are other subgroups of young people who experience higher than average rates of victimization, including those with psychiatric and chronic medical conditions.
According to Dr. Dempsey, up to one-third of children with diabetes experience "disease-related" bullying, which can have a negative impact on their physical, as well as psychological, health.
"If kids are called 'junkies' for taking insulin shots, they may reduce the amount of insulin they inject. We also know that kids with asthma experience increased rates of victimization," she said.
In May, research published in the journal Pediatrics and also reported by Medscape Medical News showed obese and overweight children had up to a 2-fold increased risk of being bullied than their peers who were not obese.
"Kids who are overweight and obese are more often bullied, causing increased stress, which then leads to binge eating and ultimately increases their weight," said Dr. Dempsey.
Antibullying Legislation
So how can youth bullying be curbed if not eliminated? GLSEN's research shows schools with so-called Gay-Straight Alliances, clubs that offer an opportunity to address issues relevant to LGBT students, result in a more positive school experience.
Dr. Kosciw added that the presence of supportive staff and firm antibullying policies in schools contribute to more positive outcomes for all kids. This is a key priority for GLSEN, which, among other initiatives, recently relaunched its Safe Space Kit designed to help educators create a safe space for LGBT youth in schools.
If passed, federal antibullying legislation would require schools and districts that receive federal funding to adopt anti-bullying policies and codes of conduct.
GLSEN research also shows students who live in states with enumerated antibullying legislation —that is, laws that specifically list factors such as sexual orientation, gender identity, race, and religion — report more positive school climates and experiences compared with their counterparts who live in states without such laws.
At the national level, Dr. Kosciw notes that, GLSEN is a staunch supporter of the Safe Schools Improvement Act, which was introduced in the US Senate earlier this year.
If passed, this federal antibullying legislation would require schools and districts that receive federal funding to adopt antibullying policies and codes of conduct that prohibit bullying or harassment on the basis of race, color, religion, national origin, sex, disability, sexual orientation, and perceived or gender identity.
Warning Signs
At the individual level, Dr. Dempsey said, it is important that educators, parents, and clinicians screen for bullying and directly ask children and youth about the issue.
It is also important that family physicians, pediatricians, and psychiatrists, who may have patients with chronic physical or mental illnesses, be aware that these patients are at increased risk for victimization and screen for it.
She noted that children who are bullied often experience changes in behavior, such as aggression, loss of appetite, insomnia, or a reluctance to go to school, among others, and that these should be treated as warning signs that bullying may be occurring.
"We need to educate people to look for this and understand all the different behaviors that are parts of bullying. It is not just hitting or punching, but it is also spreading rumors about somebody or trying to cause embarrassment to that person, and so people need to recognize and take it very seriously when they see it happening," said Dr. Dempsey.
"I personally wonder that if there's something about the culture [in the United States] that makes bullying more acceptable than in other countries. There are a lot of people out there that have the attitude that bullying is a part of growing up, and until we shift those attitudes we're not going to see change," she added.
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